her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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