Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
