I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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