Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
