We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
