i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
