There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
