3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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