her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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