Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
