this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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