I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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