Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
