Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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