All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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