You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
