We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
