I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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