Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
