my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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