A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
