I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
