Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
