I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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