with your own penis?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow