I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.