i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.