Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you