He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
