now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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