i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
