dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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