his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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