Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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