He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life is so much better after having sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
