It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
