He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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