Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
