he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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