His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
