wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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