And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
