I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
