matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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