mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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