Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
