this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
