best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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