I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
