Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
