playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
