Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need moral support for this bender
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
