I'm so fucking centered right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
