There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
