I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
