I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
