she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
