I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
