we're chasing vodka with high fives
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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