You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
