It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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