I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
