there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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