A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
