went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
