your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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