Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
