dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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