I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
