I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
